High Tech Hookup

There appears to be a myriad of ways to meet a significant other these days. There are the old standbys such as bars, nightclubs, parties and blind dates set up by well-meaning friends (or ex-friends depending on how the date goes). However, it was a commercial I saw today for an online dating site, which have been around for several years now, that caught my attention. This was one of the sites that uses numerous “dimensions” to match one person with another. The concept of matching people based upon common interests and values seems to be a good approach, and it is understandable why so many people use these sites, however it was the “dimensions” that floated across the screen during the commercial such as “kindness” and “generosity” that made me wonder about this product. How many people out there participating in this site’s program are answering the profile questions honestly and rating themselves low in characteristics that are positive in nature. Is there a guy or gal using a Likert-type scale while filling out their profile that ranges from 1 to 10, saying to themselves “Kindness. Hmmm…let’s see. Well, I’m a complete jackass. I shall go ahead and mark a 1. At least later on I can mark a 10 for honesty.” And even if someone were to mark this, who in the heck would they possible be matched with? Do they stick them with the person who marked ten on the “I am a glutton for being verbally berated” scale? And how about the generosity scale? When someone scores highly on this section, is there a group of hapless hobos waiting to be matched with these wonderful philanthropists and now have someone that will treat them to a much needed meal, and if things go well on the date, the possibility of a warm shower and comfy bed to sleep in that their normal day to day existence has been lacking.

The other thing on the commercial that made me chuckle a bit was the look of joy and pure ecstasy on the faces of the enamored participants. I completely understand that they are trying to sell a product, and obviously they are not going to put on their commercial those individuals that had a horrendous experience with the service. I am not such a Negative Norm that I don't believe successful relationships have never blossomed and flourished as a result of this matchmaking miracle, however it was the likely “5 dates down the road” face of some of the partners which filled my imagination that made me smirk a bit because everyone full well knows that it is unlikely the service will be able to match all participants with someone on every single “dimension”, and it may be possible that the few components they were not able to completely match someone on may become a complete relationship buster. I can just imagine (in my obviously deranged mind) the following scenario: There the happy couple is, thinking that everything is wondrous after their first few dates, and then during date number five the heart-warming tale comes completely unraveled as one of the partners gasps in horror when they realize that they were not a complete match on all dimensions. Immediately the date ends, and the frantic call to customer service begins: “Thank you for calling (bleeeeeep) dating service. If we can’t find a match for you, you must be a lost cause. How may I help you?” Blah, blah, blah. “Yes, ma’am, I can understand your concern that you were not matched with an appropriate individual. However, in looking at the individual you were matched with, it is noted that you were a complete match on 26 out of 27 dimensions, which indicates a compatibility rate of over 96%. That is actually an extremely impressive compatibility rate.” Expletive laden blah, blah, blah. “Well, ma’am, there is really no reason to use such harsh language. And as a side note, if I were endowed enough to do what you just suggested I do to myself, I wouldn’t need to be using our dating service myself now would I? That aside, let me just take a look here in our system at your profile and the profile of your partner. Ok, very interesting. And so what I hear you saying is that the disparity between your scores on the “Proclivity Towards Bestiality” scale is causing you some sort of distress. Is that correct?” Click. Of course, I am sure these programs are more effective than the bar matchmaking system which is based upon the common interests of excessive alcohol consumption and lustful dance floor shenanigans, followed by the common morning after feelings of regret and, on occasion, the ultimate in unintentional commonalities, the child in common.