“Step Right Up And Throw Away Your Future!”

OK, so I am not so naïve to believe that the vulnerable “buy me that right now” minds of young children are not the subjects of the merciless attacks launched en masse by the hordes of marketing companies that litter the capitalistic landscape, but I would hope there would be at least a smattering of integrity found amongst this group of money grubbing, brainwashing bandits. However, as I exited a store last night, my eyes gazed upon a sign that obliterated my dreams that there was an actual depth to which business owners would not sink to corrupt the youth of America. The sign was located in one of those large plastic enclosed boxes that holds a fluffy mound of stuffed animals captive which beckons any willing, adventurous soul to wager their spare change (and depending on the machine, spare dollar bills) to simply manipulate a metal claw and rescue one of the captive creatures. Of course it never is that simple, is it? I am actually convinced the claw is greased with the same goop these slimy business owners have oozing from their pores, making it nearly impossible to actually win one of the prizes and thereby increasing their profit margins to obscene levels. To those of you who would argue with me regarding the fairness of these games, and the frequency with which the player actually wins, I direct you to take a close look at the prizes available in the machines that have been present in the local arcade for the last 25 years.. Do you honestly believe those Care Bears, Strawberry Shortcake dolls and stuffed Pac Man characters were just placed there last week, and not in June of 1985? And what was this ominous sign that had me in such a tizzy all you ask? As if the words (or at least the general idea) had been plucked from any number of billboards for Las Vegas, or your nearby Native American gaming venue, the sign had the following splashed against it’s colorful backdrop: “You can‘t win if you don‘t play. Over 3 million animals won last year alone.” Disgusting….absolutely revolting. The owners of these machines, whose paltry payout percentages most assuredly lie far below the average slot machine, are blatantly flaunting in our parental faces their attempts to turn our children into miniature, pre-pubescent gambling addicts. I expect that within the near future, they will be offering players club cards to any and all children, providing them the opportunity to rack up points with every dollar they slide into the greedy slot on the front of the machine. Low level players will be able to trade in their points for basic “comps” such as tiny Dixie cups filled with watered-down Kool-Aid and small bags of broken goldfish crackers. High rollers will be able to enjoy televisions brought game side to enjoy their favorite cartoons or Disney movies and will receive, free of charge, tawdry trinkets from those dull-finished metal 25 cent vending machines often found in close proximity to the high-priced currency hoarding claw machines of financial ruin. The final result of this pandering to the juvenile masses will likely be banks of these machines lining the walls of arcades with child after child whose sad, soulless eyes stare blankly into cloudy, scratched plexiglass, as they waste away their childhood by mechanically chain-chewing piece after piece of bubble gum while they feed dollar upon dollar into the machines in hopes of hitting an elusive batting-filled jackpot. My only request of the owners of what I contend are slot machines without the bothersome legal restrictions placed on those in casinos is that for now you leave our children be. I promise you that when they reach the legal gambling age, you can corrupt them all you want.