Debut

How does one enter the world of blogdom?  I never really considered doing it before a few weeks ago, and truth be told, had never read one.  Sure, I spend my fair share of time on the internet, but reading the ramblings of someone else never really appealed to me.  I guess my entrance, like many others before me, was through the constant pestering (and I know she will know I meant that as lovingly and sweetly as possible) of a friend to put my own personal ramblings down in written form.  My friend, whom we shall call “M” for the sake of simplicity and confidentiality, urged me to write a blog because she believed I was funny.  I immediately told her no, and came up with several legitimate excuses as to why I could not write one:  I am not that funny, it is too hard to come up with good material, I don’t have the time, my comedy is cheesy one liners that depend on delivery and timing that don’t translate to the written form, I don’t have opposable thumbs which makes typing extremely difficult, I have to wash my hair, I have a headache, it’s my time of the month.  In retrospect, that last one was outlandishly transparent given that I am a guy.  For those of you who felt extremely sorry for me that I do not have thumbs, please compose yourself, and let peace come upon you knowing that I do actually have thumbs.  For those who have no thumbs that I have offended, only thing I can say is “how the hell does one hitchhike without thumbs?”  Sorry, I digress.   “M” actually let the idea of the blog go for a day or two, probably figuring the idea would fester in my head , and would grow on me until I broke under the weight of the brilliance of the idea and sang her praises for suggesting that I write a blog.  I actually did not give it much more thought, which she must have realized because in the next few days she was back at it about how I should write a blog, she would do the advertising, I would get a following, we could even get paid for it, ect.  It was like I was getting the sales pitch of a lifetime from Billy Maize incarnate.  She then threw out, “You are funnier than that Herb Benham”, which I guess she thought would be the clincher in getting me to concede to write the blog.  Herb Benham, for those not in the know, is a writer for a local paper, who does little opinion pieces on random topics.  I am not a big fan, but have read a few articles.  He is moderately funny at best.  Given his lower “funny factor”, I wasn’t even sure this was much of a compliment if I was better than just kind of funny, but I must admit that the comment did catch the attention of my easily stroked ego.  I still was not ready to relent just yet, and then “M” proceeded to tell me I needed to write down funny ideas, and she was running an errand at lunch.  I saw where this was going and told her that I was not doing the blog, and told her to not buy me a notebook and pen to write down all these supposed comic gems that were floating around in my head.  We then engaged in what I can only compare to the absurd conversations of two young people in love that often takes the form of “I love you. I love you more.  Nuh uh, I love you more.  I love you to the moon.  I love you to infinity”, or the even more annoying interplay of two noncommittal souls that plays out thusly “Where do you want to eat?  I don’t care, where do you want to eat?  I really don’t care, where do you want to eat?  Whatever you chose is fine.”  Does someone have a bullet? Ours, however, took the form of me repeatedly telling “M” not to buy me the aforementioned products, and “M” continually telling me that she was going to do so.  I finally realized the futility of my struggle, and begrudgingly told her to not go anywhere other than the dollar store for these purchases.  Surprise, surprise, she did not go to the dollar store, but spendt what I can assume was her paltry life savings (mind you, we are poor government employees) on the old school fancy pen with four different colors that you can chose from, and a very nice notebook.  Not only did these purchases increase the level of guilt and practically force me to do this blog, but the money she spent on such fine stationary products had increased the pressure to an almost insurmountable level to create a new magnum opus week after week.  Damn that girl!  So here I go on my foray into ambiguous ramblings, petty observations and extensive descriptions of what most would consider mundane life events.  I won’t always be clean, non-offensive and proper.  Heck, I can’t even promise comedy gold at every turn.  But it will be me, take it or leave it (and some will probably have already left it) in an honest and straightforward blog from the mind of one F’d up individual.  A  serious and sincere thank you goes out to “M” for pushing me beyond my comfort zone, and getting me started on this wacky adventure doing something I never would have considered doing on my own.  Enjoy the ride everyone!