Thanks A Lot Barry! You Dirty Hamburger Nazi!

Well, it appears that the fecal matter has begun to move in a circular motion in a declining direction over a lumpy mass in the earth’s crust (Transation: The shit has begun to roll downhill). I visited the Taco Bell nearest my abode, and the first results of the lawsuit filed against Taco Bell revealed their ugly heads during my visit. What the litigious lame ass who filed this ridiculous lawsuit regarding the exact amount of ground-up bovine meat products in use at Taco Bell evidently failed to realize is that this sort of frivolous action never impacts the company the way they intended, and any consequences from the court process are always passed along to the consumer. As I looked at the menu in the drive thru lane, I noticed that Taco Bell was now serving shrimp tacos. Sure, I was a little surprised at the prospect of being able to receive such fare at a fast food restaurant, but what really caught my eye was the large writing above the picture of the product that stated in colorful bold letters: “Made with 6 shrimp.” Thanks to Beef Counter Barry, Taco Bell now feels as if they have to spell out the amount of every ingredient that is contained in their food, lest some fanatical shrimp statistician rush down to the local courthouse and begin filing motions.

Where does it end Barry? Does next week’s menu grow in stature because each item must contain a listing of it’s component parts, along with exact measurements of each item : Bean Burrito- 7 inches in length. Contains 2 oz. Powdered beans, ½ oz. cheddar cheese, 1 oz. taco sauce, one flour tortilla and two unwashed employee hands rolling it. Or a month from now, am I going to come to the drive thru, and I can’t even tell what the hell is available to eat because the menu board is now 17 ft. tall, and contains not only the ingredients, but the name of the town where the food was packaged, the lot number of the field where the food was grown, the name of the guy that picked the food from the field and the number of bowel movements he has each week?

Thanks to Barry (who has obviously now adopted this moniker mostly due to the fact that I don’t give a flying F what his real name is.  Heck, I don't even know that he is a he for that matter.  To me, this person is simply a faceless and genderless entity that has unnecessarily laid siege to what is one of the finest American fast food establishments in existence, and as a byproduct has inflicted serious collateral damage by ruining my afternoon.  The name Barry is simply being used out of convenience and familiarity now....and because I don't really want to type out "The Lame Ass" every time I refer to him), a sign was posted on the drive thru menu that stated that sauce was available upon request. So now Taco Bell has to try and save money by not offering the sauce at the window in hopes that some people will forget to ask for it to recoup the cost of the exorbitant amount of ink that is needed to augment the menu. Barry, you are a real piece of work. Thanks to you, and your ass clown attorneys, I now have to remember to request taco sauce for my purchases, which I will have you know I forgot to do during this visit because I have spent my entire adult life being conditioned to expect that they will offer it to me. Needless to say, I was completely irate when I got home because I had to choke down my sauceless chicken burrito. I know as an adult, I need to buck up and remember the sauce, but you can’t expect someone to be exposed to Pavlovian conditioning for the better part of a lifetime, and then yank that security blanket away, without some serious mind bending repercussions (yes, I know it is called classical conditioning, not Pavlovian conditioning, but I am just trying to make the blog accessible to those people who were not psychology majors, and are most likely familiar with Pavlov.)

Your adventurous little foray into Big Boy Court has also apparently affected my ability to have a pleasant interaction with the staff. The lady who took my order was curt over the speaker, and uttered neither a “thank you” or “you’re welcome” after conducting my monetary exchange for culinary goods. Your lawsuit has likely affected customer experience with team members in one of three distinct ways (if not all three): 1) the increase in ink usage on the menu board necessitated the cost saving measure of reducing staff salaries, resulting in less pleasurable staff; 2) the increase in ink usage on the menu board necessitated the cost saving measure of cutting out all unnecessary verbal exchanges with customers, such as “How are you today?”, “Thank You”, “You’re Welcome”, “Have a good day”, and quite obviously “Would you like any sauce with that?” By virtually ignoring your customers, outside of taking the order and telling them their total, lines can move much more quickly, thereby increasing productivity and finally, 3) the entire fleet of team members has likely been jeered and berated, and even possibly physically accosted, by members of the fast food eating public as a result of your lawsuit, reducing them to a mass of unhappy, customer-phobic individuals. There was a probably a time when the female employee I encountered today had a song in her heart every time she stepped foot inside her happy home away from home, but now she had a look on her face that said, “The next guy who makes a crack about the beef is going to get a gordita shoved down his gullet.” Well, Barry, I hope you are happy. You have basically ruined my life, along with thousands of other single individuals, that rely upon Taco Bell for 85% of their daily sustenance, all because you couldn't be happy with a 79 cent partial beef taco, and now everybody is going to have to pay 8 bucks a piece for one because you want yours made from Kobi beef. I hope you are happy!